Even the brightest candle burns out…
In this life, few things are as monumentally important as giving life. If you are reading this, it is a fair bet that a mother somewhere gave you life… A mother carried you, birthed you, nurtured you, and (hopefully) taught you how to grow up… The only thing that we can do for someone else that even comes close to giving them life, is helping them cross that invisible threshold at the other end of life… to help someone die. Last week, I had the honor of being there for my own mother as she crossed that finish line… My face was the last thing she saw. I’m glad it worked that way – that she had one of the few remaining faces she recognized, right there, as she left to join her husband.
She was an incredible woman, and the lessons learned at her side (as a boy), and as part of her orbit (as an adult), will stay on as long as I draw breath… Raised on a farm during the depression, she went on to an academic career that saw her obtain a Doctorate in English literature, then teaching on the college level for many years. She raised three kids who seem to have turned out just fine… Was she perfect? No – no one is… But she had a heart that was open to everyone, and a smile that never wavered. She loved books & plants, and these attributes continue on in her kids and grandkids. Way too late, we learned that she and her husband (my father) were never apart for more than 2 days their entire 59 years of marriage. That would have been something to share with us, dad & mom!
Dan Navarro & Eric Lowen recorded a song about the dying process, called “Crossing Over”. It was written by Dan as he helped his mother in her final days. If you get a chance, that song is worth “dropping the needle on” as it very perfectly sets the mood that one encounters as we help another soul “cross over”. Google Lowen & Navarro, and the song is on the Pendulum album…
I feel so very lucky to have been raised by such a set of parents as Betsy & Ernie… They were great! Their own candles have burned out, but the light they broadcast to their friends and family is still reflected in each of us who knew them…
That’s all I have for now…
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2 Comments
What a great tribute, Pat.
Nice to hear that this apple didn’t fall far from some pretty amazing trees.
Dear Pat. Wish I hadn’t opened my Facebook account today but I did and saw this. I am very grieved. I loved both your parents so much. And they reciprocated. For her to die at Christmas time is very poignant for me because I remember the many Christmases she and Ernie would come over in the snow to bring Sybil and me to their house. Later when I moved to South Carolina and would go back to DeKalb for Christmas, Ernie would drive all the way to O’Hare to pick me up, braving the slick snowy roads. Only one’s parents and very true friends would take the time and trouble to do something like this.
Here we are once again experiencing a winter like those I got used to in DeKalb, bringing back memories of how blessed we were to have such loving American friends. Yes, you are all very lucky children to have had such a wonderful mother and father.
Dan and I send our deepest condolences. With love to you, Sharon, Sue and Mike.
Reeta